3Jul/1012
Being happy
If you are happy what is your secret? What makes you happy? If you are unhappy, then why and what will make you happier? Basically what level of needs are you at? My general state is to be content. I don't have a very high variation between happy and sad, but I am a glass half full kind of person. What about you?
July 3rd, 2010 - 20:09
My secret to being content is keeping stress and drama to a minimum. Sometimes you have no choice when either of those happens in your life, but you suck it up and get through it to face another day. BTW, I’m not a glass half full or half empty person…I’m a “let’s make sure we know where more glasses are and where the water supply is” kind of gal.
July 3rd, 2010 - 22:30
lol I’ve noticed Kristen
July 3rd, 2010 - 20:17
21 months ago, I thought I was in my ideal relationship with the woman I was going to spend the rest of my life with. After all, she’s told me she loves me, that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me, and that there’s nothing wrong. Overnight, without warning of any sign of trouble in the relationship, I learn over the phone that Amber’s cheating on me and is moving out while I’m on a business trip. The woman I would’ve taken a bullet for can’t even be bothered to tell me face to face.
Hypothetically, happiness theory suggests that one adjusts to the new equilibrium within six months, but it still hits me hard every day, multiple times a day, with general dysthmic effects, and no sign of hope of anything that’s going to make me happier.
July 3rd, 2010 - 22:38
Steve I’ve seen first hand that it takes longer to get over betrayal from a person that you’d take a bullet from, than a typical relationship. It is really hard for the human brain to trust fully and then be completely and utterly destroyed. In your case it sounds like there was no closure which could make it much worse. There is variance in everything, but believe me you will get over it. It might take a year or maybe five. It could take meeting someone who really cares about you and isn’t a liar. I’m sorry that you loved someone who was a liar. She didn’t deserve the love that you gave her and I know there are other people out there that will be happy to have you in their lives.
Unless you are living your dream then my advice would be to move. I’ve given this advice to someone close to me but their situation (children with ex, laws) doesn’t allow them this luxury. If you have the opportunity to see new people, country, town, and live a new life then I would take that chance.
July 3rd, 2010 - 22:39
*take a bullet for
July 3rd, 2010 - 22:48
By the way Jackie and I both enjoy it when you visit us and we’re looking forward to the next time. I hope you feel better.
July 3rd, 2010 - 21:15
I’m definitely a half-empty sort.
July 4th, 2010 - 02:48
Loads of good and interesting advice here:
http://www.happiness-project.com/happiness_project/
July 4th, 2010 - 10:51
At least 50% of happiness comes down to personality. You’ve probably known someone who’s happy all the time for no good reason. It’s not necessarily that their life is better, they’re just happy people.
Incidentally, I rather enjoy surrounding myself with those people.
July 4th, 2010 - 16:03
Being happy is not so much about one’s circumstances as it is about being the person one wants to be.
Also gaining wealth or liberty greatly tends to improve the happiness of the very poor or persecuted. But for those with basic needs already met neither additional wealth nor additional liberty is shown to have any significant correlation to greater happiness.
July 9th, 2010 - 12:27
I’m a naturally VERY happy person married to a tends-towards-unhappy person. I think a lot of happiness does come down to personality, but it’s clear that environmental factors matter.
My happiness tends to revolve around getting time for my preferred recreational activities, a sufficient amount of socializing, achieving personal/professional goals, and a sense that I’m “making progress” at becoming more of the person I really want to be (fitter, wiser, kinder, more responsible).
My spouse is unhappy when they feel they’ve failed, especially in comparison to acquaintances, who are often regarded as rivals. My spouse tends to have a pessimistic view of present-state-of-life, and keep in mind we’ve been sharing a life for nearly a decade, and yet we still share a fairly divergent sense of personal happiness.
Unhappiness seems, in my limited experience, to derive from a personality that tends towards extreme introspection or perfectionism, and dwells on negative incidents. I think that behavioral modification (whether it be deliberate smiling, more exercise, mental “glad games”, guided attempts to find novelty and interesting things in the world) tends to work against this sort of thing.
I think the recent book “The Happiness Project” might be worth looking at.
July 13th, 2010 - 22:48
I am of a strong belief that happiness comes from within, however cliché that saying has become. Any pleasure (or sadness as well) derived from external means are simply that: pleasurable (or sad) experiences, not happiness or unhappiness. This peaceful state comes from a long period of cultivation (see many Buddhist books/teachings–especially Matthieu Ricard’s “Happiness”) and is nigh impossible to express without going into novel length.
Moreover, happiness and the conceptualization of it are severely distorted by society, especially modern American society. The true question that one has to ask themselves before becoming happy is, “What does happiness even represent to me? Can I be happy regardless of certain circumstances?” The answers to these questions vary widely, as do all backgrounds and personalities.
Regardless, it’s never too late to become happy and to realize that most of what you encounter in every day American life is insignificant (re: money, homes, status, clothes, cars.) and all part of a system that often brings many more unpleasant experiences which tend to make one believe that they are unhappy, when, in reality, one needs to become free of the cyclical negative experiences in life. This doesn’t mean to live like a homeless person, rather to not judge yourself or others by this and to also not set yourself up for failure in the future.
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to express how I feel about “life’s most important skill”.